Goblin Heroes

The Drow have Graboids?
They're Underneath Us!

The brave Goblin Heroes answered the call from their Drowish allies and faced off with a giant Wyrm. It’s many legs and its dripping mandibles were finishing off a drow when we arrived. Some goblins rushed to attack, some (okay, just Darth Sidius), hid behind boulders. The beast trampled some of us but Lassie the Bear attacked it viciously. When It finally collapsed, it fell onto some of our brave goblins. At the same time, a secpond graboid erupted from the ground, showering the goblins with a rain of rocky shrapnel. They were able to finish it off, especially with the devastating attacks of Lassie and Bif.

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What's behind door number three?
In which we discover the mother of all dragons

After defeating a horde of dragonborn caregivers who were raising dragonlings and caring for an enormous dragon our brave goblin heroes escaped with some rare loot and a badly damaged Mark 2 Goblin Shredder. On the other hand, they did manage to wake a dragon. That won’t end badly, right?

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I Felt the Earth Move
Under My Feet

The Brave Goblin Heroes followed a tunnel opened up by miners into a cavern. The residents of the cavern were solid rocky creatures who burrowed through the earth, had tremor sense, and kept calling out “No Kill I.” Okay, that last part isn’t true. They tried to squash everybody.Before they shuffled off this mortal coil, Nox had enough presence of mine to ask their corpses a few questions and discovered that a great and terrible creature lay at the far end of the tunnel. Something to look forward to, I’m sure.

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Dragons and Shredders and Dwarves, Oh My!
Dragon’s Dread.

Approaching a sleeping clutch of dragons, the Brave Goblin Heroes attempted to negotiate, only to be interrupted by screaming, changing dwarves. The dragons, in addition, wanted nothing to do with us, referring to us as vermin. Our new Construction Fop, riding his magnificent Goblin Shredder, stood on the periphery of the action while Bif and Nox began taking out the minotaur and dwarves in order to prove our worth to the dragons.

Mr. Fluffy, in an amazing display of goblin bravery, lay down his weapons and got on his hands and knees before a fierce Copper Dragon. This was especially brave, considering the dragon kept eating him. When he had lost meat down to the bone, Mr. Fluffy decided to try a different technique.

The Construction Fop grabbed a minotaur and srabbed him so hard that the poor little guy’s legs were pincered off.

Nox’s zombies kept providing cover for everyone and were popping out of the ground as fast as the dragons and dwarves could take them out. Finally our Construction Fop brought his shredder in to grapple with the dragon. At the same time, another shredder came over the ridge to assist us. The two shredders played tug-o-war with the Huge Iron Dragon, with the construction Fop squeezing dragon genitalia between his mighty pincers.

Mr. Fluffy decided to intimidate the Copper Dragon, using his magical pyrotechnics. When the dragon ran to another target, Mr. Fluffy leaped onto its back and rode the thing like a prize pig at a goblin faire. As the Copper Dragon took off and tried to shake the goblin from his back, Mr. Fluffy hung on for as long as he could, all the while stroking the dragon and trying to talk it into becoming his pet. When Mr. Fluffy finally gave up and jumped off the dragon, he tucked and rolled and then slogged his way back to the fight, which was wrapping up quite nicely.

Nox opened an enchanted treasure chest. Everyone picked up a lot of gems and gold. Nox took the broken hammer automaton and loaded it onto a shredder. The Iron Dragon and the Green Dragon were butchered on the spot, and the carcasses tied to the second shredder.

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Dragons and Dragon-underlings
Bothersome Flying Sauroids.

The Brave Goblin Heroes were surprised by a young adamantine dragon and some dragonborn soldiers. Darth Sidius was almost done in by the dragon’s firwst attack, but Mr. Fluffy waved his arms about to distract the giant beast until it redirected its attack towards the more energetically suicidal foe. Mr. Fluffy was swallowed whole by the dragon and, aside from vague rumblings within the dragon, all were pretty sure he was dead. Aegis, piloting the tribe’s brand new Goblin Shredder pinned the dragon down while everyone else seemed to focus on the dragonborn. Lassie, the bear, took a fierce beating from the dragonborn, but handled it with aplomb. Aegis in the Shredder traded blows with the dragon, but it wasn’t until Lassie joined in that the tide turned. Lassie bit the creature on the snout and pulled him to the ground and savaged him. At that point, Mr. Fluffy cut himself free from inside the dragon and shouted, “Where’s my boot?”
On the other side of the battle, Darth Sidius sparkled two of the dragonborn soldiers to death. I think the official coroner’s report claims that the dragonborn died from acute humiliation.

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Dark Elves are Not Made of Chocolate
Things that Go Bump in the Dark.

After soundly thrashing a drow and a draconian escapee from the drow city, Cinlu, our Brave Goblin Heroes were treated to a rare interview with Ashkala, the Drow Queen of Cinlu. Nox and Bif made effort to make sure that Clot took as much of the credit or blame for killing the escaped prisoners as possible. Clot, performing a cunning somersault and vault won the heart of the dread queen. The Queen’s vizier awarded Clot with the coveted position of Royal Toy. He was so charming, pulling at his big pointy ears that the Queen adopted him on the spot.

After being told that they could ask for any reward, the Goblin heroes considered their choices gravely, understanding that they would be prudent to ask for not too much, nor too little. In the end, they went for too much, but that’s the breaks. Nox asked for black magic. Bif asked for fame and celebrity. Clot asked for a chew toy. Aegis asked for a special drow adviser to the Goblin Court. They all thought it would be a wonderful idea to engage in trading.

The vizier gave them a wicked grin and told them that all would be arranged. In addition, he felt honor-bound to offer them a gift from the Queen’s treasury. Bif leaped forward and grabbed the package out of his hands. He unwrapped the package and discovered a garish pair of western boots, red with whit trim. He slipped them on his feet and discovered their dreadful curse.

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Elves Are Snooty

But Goblins are charming

In a huge turn of expectations, when the haughty and elitist elves approach noisome and filthy Mudgrub, they are met by The Brave Goblin Heroes. Nox opens negotiations and reads them adequately. He is obsequiously thankful when they give him an elaborate map of the region as a token of kindness. Bif approaches with the horendously vile song of welcome, but when he hands over a packet of magic seeds, the elves retreat, stunned. They return to the meeting in awe of our generosity. The seeds are long, lost elven seeds that belong to the magical garden, owimoweh. They had been thought lost forever in a heartless orc raid. Their return signals great tidings of wondrous joy.

The elves declare Bif a bard of wonder, and immediately ask to meet with Nazium to begin negotiations to cement an alliance.

Things that Go Bump Underground.

Two escapees from the Drow city are trying to make an escape by climbing up a crevasse to Mudgrub. Our Brave Goblin Heroes attempt to stop them before they can make their escape. A Drow heretic and his Draconian ally make subtle and furious foes.

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The Orc's Are Terrible Neighbors

Orc’s Back on the Menu, Boys!

The brave goblin heroes decided to handle a mealy-mouthed raiding party of orcs by without waking up the warren. Nox called up a whole bunch of undead creatures to do his bidding from a tiny graveyard. Bif and his whelps hid in the woods until someone came close enough and then ran out and bit him. But it was brave Aegis of the mighty arm that wallowed into the fray and took blow after blow from the graceless pig-trolls. After wounding and nearly slaying a bear, Bif pulled out his charm and turned the bear’s training to his own purposes. The bear, after being severely mistreated by the orcs, responded well to being mistreated by us. One by one the miscreants fell. After the skirmish, Nox questioned the dead bodies and discovered a great deal of important information. Also, a pile of loot kept falling out of their pockets.

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Why Can't We Be Friends
Humans Just Want to Be Friends

After several days of creatively and delightfully torturing Morbid Hammerdong, squeezing him like a sponge to drain him of all his information, the Brave Goblin Heroes discover that the humans spying on us have just been trying to discover if we were worth trading with.

Against our natural inclinations we have decided to open up negotiations with the humans. Meeting with a delegation from the town of Elm Hollow, Nox and Bif agreed to welcome a human caravan. Several ideas, including rat traps, rat catchers and general slavery have been floated as ways to generate income.

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Sneaky Little Hobbitses

Halflings Try to Steal What Isn’t Nailed Down.
h3. And Get Nailed to the Floor.

Five intrepid and stupid halfling thieves evaded our cordon of scouts, spies and counter-intelligence agents to infiltrate our warren. The brave goblin heroes scoured the warren for every sign of skullduggery and not only discovered four of the halflings, but turned them into whelp food. While one managed to get away, he will, no doubt, explain to the other thieving runts that we are not to be messed with. Nox conversed for a long while with the corpses and discovered that the halfling village has a population of somewhere near 600. Minus four.

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